Is anyone out there?

Once again I took Cadie home with high hopes that she could expend some energy in my mother gigantic backyard. This time the weather held, and Cadie had a fantastic romp. She chased sticks, lounged in the long grass and ate and tennis ball, it was everything a little dog could want out of life.




While Cadie was living the good life my mom and I sat on the patio, drinking tea and chatting. She’s been on vacation for the last 2 weeks, which means that she is full of stories about the beach at Port Dover, the sales in the mall, and what the future holds for her. My mom is now about 5 years away from retiring and she is starting to think about a plan. You know the things you will do once you are retired and have all day to sit around and watch day-time television. Since my mother is not even a little bit interested in day-time television, especially since Oprah announced her own retirement, which means that mom needs “a plan” something to do that makes getting out of bed worthwhile.



In the middle of our conversation about her future my mother turned to me and said. “Do you know what would be a great idea? You should start a blog about Cadie.” I gave her a funny look and told her that I am already blogging about Cadie. She tried to laugh it off, but her statement is already out there, and now I have to ask, is anyone reading this?

Don't Forget! You're Here Forever

I’d had a lot of people ask me recently about my motivation for starting a blog. It’s part of the plan. The last couple of years have not been good, as I hinted last week, things at work are bad, I ended an engagement in the last 12 months, I’m broke as a result, and my weight is sky high, and my grandmother has been undergoing some huge life changes, putting a terrible strain on my mother. All of these things together make me feel panicky. The blog is the cornerstone of the “get my s%&t together plan”. With so much wrong it became a lot easier to come home and find a reason to sit in front of the television and feel sorry for myself. It wasn’t all bad, I know that I’m lucky, I have a job, I have a nice, new place, I have great friends, and family, but Cadie was the best thing I had. She was the most consistent thing I had. On the worst days I would climb into bed and pray that God not take her, I even tried bargaining, saying that I could cope with the loss of anything else, but not Cadie, I need to keep Cadie.


And really, the proof is in the pudding. I come home ready to crawl into bed with my coat on, and then I see Cadie, then I walk Cadie, and watch her chase a tennis ball in the park like a mad man, and I can feel my shoulders relaxing, my breathing getting better, and my stomach starting to settle. I believe that were it not for Cadie I wouldn’t be sleeping at all.

Back to the plan, the blog fills a central role in the plan. By forcing myself to finish every day focusing on the one thing that has been consistently good, and thoroughly mine, I am retraining my mind so that I can take my next steps.

As I said, I am almost finished getting my home in order, and that is a huge relief. With this in place I can now refocus on getting my job, and more importantly, my career back on track. When I feel like I have a handle on this, I can start to worry about my weight, and the finances will improve, but this will take the longest time, and really I should start working on this sooner rather than later.

I have a couple of mantras, the fist is, Nothing bad can happen to me, the second is by far my favourite: Don’t Forget You’re Here Forever. I know it sounds awful, but it keeps me moving. There’s a story attached to it, one that really spoke to me when I heard it.

So that’s it. I blog because I love Cadie; I blog because I want something better for myself than what I currently have, and so far, this is easiest part of my plan, and I do it for her.